Empty Cereal Box

Views From Inside an Adoptee

August 16, 2006

We Finally Got Out

Now that we trashed, donated, gifted, or sold our stuff and crammed what was left into a 6' x 12' UHaul, then drove for a thousand miles and blew a radiator hose and ate bad tacos, we are now homeless and clueless about where to find a new home. Oh well. As soon as I can get regular use of a computer, I'll begin regular posting again and visit other sites. Gotta go. Hugs to everyone.


August 03, 2006

Yeah! I Got an Open Line

Never thought my half brother would ever phone me again. We talk about, oh, twice a year on the phone. When he's not too busy with his family, restaurant, traveling, and whatnot. I had pretty much accepted the fact that like the other members of what's left of my natural family, he too had politely rejected me. So, when the phone rang a few nights ago and the caller identified himself to me as my brother, my gasp was involuntary. I felt both detached and reserved. Protected. My armor firmly in place.

The You-Can't-Get-To-Me-With-Any-More-Rejection defense.

It was unprecedented, that phone call. We talked for about forty five minutes. I suspect it's because he heard that I'm moving further away and there's less of a chance we'll see each other very often, or at all any more. He told me how lucky I was to be making a new start by moving out of state. He scolded me for being shy around him. I began to open up a little more, just taking a chance, that sort of thing when he reiterated about how tough it was being a kid while our mom raised him and my half sister. That our mom did the best she could with what she had. That she would visit people's homes around dinner time just so he and our sister could get a meal. That she was in an abusive relationship with their dad. But when our aunt adopted the two of them, their lives turned around and they grew up in a "normal" home, especially after our mom died of cancer in her early forties.

My response was, At least you got to see her, know her, touch her, hear her voice, no matter how tough it was to live in her life. He told me that when he first saw me he couldn't believe how closely I resembled her. Than none of the other three siblings looked as much like her. On the phone my other half sister, five years older than I, the one I've never seen in person because she lives too far away, told me that one of our mom's trademarks was a streak of grey hair just above her forehead that she had even when she was young. Now I know who my mom was. I have that same streak, but my siblings don't. Sometimes I feel close to her even though she gave me up. Sounds kind of out there, but it's true. At any rate, my sisters don't really show much interest in having a relationship with me...or with my brother, for that matter. But the fact that he wants me to keep in touch with him is the best news I've had from him since I first found him in 2004. How sad that while we lived only two hours away from each other we talked maybe twice a year by phone. And now that we'll be living nearly twenty hours away he says to email him regularly. It's true I never phoned him, though, because I thought he wasn't interested in us getting to know each other. Guess I was wrong. Sure, we don't share the same political or religious views, but we manage to talk around all of that, just knowing that we have each other is enough. And that's enough for me for now. I have a brother, even if he's over a thousand miles away.

In ten days we'll be on the road again. This time with what's left of our posessions packed in the back of an F-150 GMC and a six-by-twelve U-Haul trailer. I've been cleaning out cupboards, closets, drawers, and those spaces that I see so often that I don't see them any more in the house. It's so amazing what you manage to stockpile over the years and never even use. It all just sits there taking up space. Getting rid of things is the biggest challenge of selling your house. All the documents and signatures, all the formidable steps you must take with lenders pale in comparison. Even so, sellers and buyers eat it in the end. Comissions and fees and services and hidden costs that add up to eat away half of the profits of the sale. Yes, you read that right: half of the profits, so that tidy little chunk that's listed on the sale fliers that looks so great? It actually represents twice what they finally put into your bank after all is said and done...everyone involved outside the buyer and seller takes a huge chunk of the pie. Almost seems better to sell your house yourself except unless you're a real estate attorney or a Realtor, you don't know a damn thing about negociations, necessary paperwork and all the legal implications. It's one of those Gotcha! things.