Empty Cereal Box

Views From Inside an Adoptee

November 05, 2006

Only Perfect Women Need Apply

Disclaimer number 458: Okay, this another one of my blatant naked anger posts. Go ahead and click out if you don't give a damn about egg donorship.

I wasn't the product of an egg donor or surrogacy. I was adopted the "old fashioned" way. But I can say from the depths of my being that most of the time I wish that my mother had had an abortion rather than adopted me to strangers, even though those strangers did their best to raise me properly. I can't imagine the violation felt by people who find out that no matter what they will never find out who their fathers were. And that's just scratching the surface of the feelings of rage and indignance.

Here's an advertisement I found in a local weekly:

"Potential donors will have the opportunity to get their egg donation questions answered face-to-face with our expert staff. We will be serving a light dinner. This meeting is open to all interested women who meet the following requirements:

  • between the ages of 19-31
  • in good health
  • a non-smoker and non-drug user
  • height and weight proportionate
  • not suffering from any medical clinical disorders (depression/anxiety/etc.)
  • if you are adopted you must know who your birth parents are for thier medical history
  • we require all our donors to be attending or have attended college with a GPA of 3.0 or higher

Compensation begins at $5,000."

How can I begin to describe my outrage as an adoptee at the entitled mindset that encompasses this advertisement? I can picture the CEOs behind it rubbing their hands together in gleeful anticipation. They will harvest eggs only from top-notch donors and reap their profits well beyond the paltry sum of what they offer these young women. Their oblivious insensitivity to the product that results from their industry: children who grow up without any idea who they are or where they came from, produced in a clinical, antiseptic environment without the messy human connections to truth, all so that wealthy, "unfortunate" sterile women can have babies to call their own. To me, this ad represents all that is monstrous about Western civilization: the manipulation, the domination, the disconnect.

My message to women who manage to qualify and respond to this ad is this. Think it through before attending the "light dinner" event. Is money your only objective? A more lucrative way to pay your bills than donating blood? Do you think that your gift to some sterile women will make her happy? If you don't see the results of your egg as it takes shape into a human being with feelings and longings and a soul just like yours, you will go about your life in blissful ignorance, won't you? You had no attachment to that egg. It was the size of the period at the end of this sentence. It wasn't even a zygote. Who cares? I suggest that before you answer this ad that you read blogs by children who were the result of egg donations or surrogacy, such as Sarah's or Damian's. See if anything clicks for you, if you catch glimpses of how you will be contributing to the violation of basic human rights.



Blogger elizabeth said...

I have believed for a long time, ALL sperm/egg/embryo donation should be illegal.

It is disgusting. It is the intentional creation of adoptees.

But tell that to those who must breed at all costs in an overpopulated world.

I am a graduate student, and sometimes I pick up the college newspaper. Every freakin' time there is one of these vomit inducing ads nearly word-for-word quoted above.

Blogger HeatherRainbow said...

(((Marie))) Ish.... that is all I can say. It reminds me of the stuff I've been reading about "perfect" adoptable children here: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/07/world/europe/07nazi.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1163002390-uTDEH0CnE1fwd3KY9h23dQ

(Not all the children were adopted, but some were, and they requested the perfect blond hair blue eyed participants to create a nazi like race.

But it is just totally criminal that the adoptees who find out that they are the product of this experiment will undoubtedly suffer from not being able to find out who their fathers are. I am angry too about it.

Blogger Joy said...

yeah, what Elizabeth said. This should be criminal

Blogger kim.kim said...

It is very sick.

Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

I concur that egg and sperm selling/donating should cease for the reasons mentioned. Very few are listening to the children created this way who are just now speaking out as adults, but if society, and especially those thinking of doing this, had to listen to them, I think it would diminish greatly. It is illegal in some countries and hopefully it will pick up speed. I believe in respecting a person's right to freedom only so long as it doesn't affect someone else's rights - in this case it does: the child's right to their own identity.

Blogger Faith said...

Wow... I stumbled across your blog completely by chance... And I am glad I did!

I have emailed this entry to a donor conceived young woman I know, as I think she'll find affirmation in your words. Some adoptees tend to "snub" the feeings of DNP's, because they "at least know who their mothers are".

I think you're one of the first to express what I've felt for a long time, as an adoptee... That many times, you would have rather been aborted. I've had countless negative reactions from adoptees and non-adoptees alike to such statements... But it's the truth.

Thank you.

Blogger BethGo said...

I tried posting this once but it didn't go through. I apologize if this is duplicate info.
Just found your blog. I thought I'd add my thoughts.
12 years ago, at a time when I was very poor, I briefly considered egg donation.
During the time I was considering this I learned a few things about the egg donation industry:
The company I contacted had me fill out many forms in reference to my family history and whatnot. They did not ask if I was adopted. Not once.
Regardless, there is no way they could find out I was adopted if I didn't want to share it. My "legal" birth certificate says my adoptive parents gave birth to me. There's nothing to disprove this unless I volunteered the adoption papers. So much for pure eggs.
I met with a representative and asked her if there were any cancer risks involved with the fertility treatments that donors undergo. She looked me in the eye and said NO, no risks whatsoever. She lied straight to my face.
I quickly decided the egg donation wasn't for me. I would just be VOLUNTARILY creating adoptees. I just couldn't do that to anybody.
I told them no soon after. Interestingly, they continued to call me for 6 months trying to persuade me to change my mind. I was their type I guess.
BTW, the going rate back then was $1200. $1200 to inflate my ovaries and then surgically remove my eggs. $1200 to increase my risk of cancer and decrease my own fertility. Oh yeah and to get my DNA. Thanks but no thanks.

Blogger Mia said...

Marie, can you provide me with the name of the company that placed this ad? If you have time can you email me with it please?
My email is listed on my (new) blog.
Thank you so much!!!!


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