Joy

Thought I should check into Empty Cereal Box finally after over a week and see what's going on. I just published everyone's comments to "Grief" and was truly moved. I learn from everyone as it's all a reflection of my own experience. It's as if there are electrical implulses moving through a connected brain when it comes to these feelings we all know so well, that we have in common.

That and this probably doesn't make sense. I'm sitting here in Portland, Oregon in Ryan's basement while everyone is playing pool, drinking beer, playing music at 500 dcbls, dancing like crazy and generally causing major disturbance in the neighborhood. This is K, my daughter's, fiancee's house. And this is a ruckus.

R and I decided we hated San Francisco and decided to drive all the way up to Oregon on a whim, without a map, without a real plan, just taking each day as it came. You wouldn't believe how exquisitely lovely this place called Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park is. I mean it's a RAIN forest. Check out the photos.






Thought I should share some of the beauty.

No, this post isn't about adoption per se, it's about finding a space where being adopted slips down below pain, where you aren't thinking about it or running from it, or sweating it out of your pores, or eating it, drinking it, sleeping in it, stepping in it. For me right at this moment it's a place in primal reality before civilization began to destroy the planet. The grip around my heart and throat has released for the first time since I can remember. I think a lot of it has to do with a beautiful community of adoptees and nmoms and people who care enough to write out their experience online and people who comment on those writings that have begun to break up the horrible frozen waste inside me. So that I'm actually enjoying myself a little here in this body where I live. Someone pinch me. I'm so afraid this sense of lightness is going to go away. Still I know nothing has changed. It's just a fleeting, merciful sense of something-ness

I apologize for not having time to visit other blogs right now, but I'll get back to that as soon as I get back home. I'm not sure when that will be, but I'll make up for my absence, that much I do know.