Empty Cereal Box

Views From Inside an Adoptee

April 01, 2006

Hello, I'm an adoptee

Today is the first day I realized that my entire life is defined by the fact that I was adopted. I'm not a psychologist, but I think a lot of people define themselves by a set of traits they need to work through. It's as if we were all born in certain situations to learn something we needed to learn.

Some of us succeed, some of us don't, most of us, if we don't commit suicide or aren't murdered by those who don't understand us, make the best of things. I'm thinking of, oh, people who
are gay or bi-sexual, who are a member of a "minority" race, people who are handicapped, the list goes on and on.

Today, like so many days, I walk around utterly depressed. My life is an empty cereal box because unless I take prescription drugs (which I refuse to do) to "handle" this depression, this
is my state of being. Nothing can change who or what I am--certainly not chemicals. I decided to blog my state of adoption because it is the one overwhelming brick wall in my life. Only other adoptees really understand this feeling. One adoptee on a list I was on years ago compared herself to an empty cereal box. It describes the sense of self most adoptees feel.

I have so much to write about I hardly know where to begin. Maybe other adoptees will stumble on my blog and leave comments. I hope they do. I recently searched for my birth family and found them, but it only made things worse for me. It didn't take away this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and depression. I'll write about my search and all my experiences as an adoptee in my new blog. I hope some people out there will be able to relate to things I write.

2 Comments:

Blogger HeatherRainbow said...

I'm glad that you didn't take medications. It certainly doesn't help the problem...

And feeling sad or depressed when there is something to be sad or depressed about (like that you were adopted) is NORMAL.

Welcome to the world of blogging.

((Hugs))

4.4.06  
Blogger Marie Jarrell said...

Heatherrainbow--hanks for visiting my blog and for your kind comments. I visited your blog, but my comments wouldn't post.

I guess I was conceived in Buffalo. It's where my bio-mom and family lived. I was product of an affair between marriages. But even so, I'd really, really love to visit Buffalo and see if I could find any leads on my bio-father, despite the fact that no one on my mother's side knows anything about him, not even a clear name. Guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Hugs back.

4.4.06  

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